Insecurities & Honesty.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being a bad Christian, but Christianity isn’t a standard of living. It just means that I believe in Jesus and the resurrection. Sometimes I get so down on myself when I see other Christians being “presentable”, never getting angry, looking good, always saying the right thing. I GET ANGRY. I cuss without thinking. I try to be as human as possible on purpose. I let all of myself hang out. I feel like I’m failing at being a Christian, and that God loves me less (it sounds dishonest when I write it down). Interestingly enough, I don’t even want what those so called people have. A lot of them stuff their feelings or are sick in other areas like self-righteousness or never deal with real personal issues. I DEAL WITH MINE! Get those mofos outta here lol. I guess I’m jealous because they can hide their sickness better, and I can’t. I guess that’s a blessing because ….. like my friend used to say.. secrets keep you sick. Mine are so obvious that they’re easy to work on. Again, I have to be grateful. There’s someone else who would love to be in my shoes.

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